They never wanted me to be like my uncle.
Sanu, my neice
I want to share the story of my uncle, a man who dreamed of becoming a Malayalam actor. He began his journey in a well-known comedy group, trying to make a name for himself. However, he struggled with alcoholism, and in 2021, he took his own life. They say he fell from a building, but no one was willing to look deeper into what really happened. Am I a good uncle? I can’t say, but I do know that everyone around me never wanted me to be like my uncle.
I never talked to him personally. He used to call me, but I always avoided, I didn’t know what to say, I never thought about making a movie with him, He used to ask my mom about that. I think they never wanted me to have a connection with my uncle, so I won’t follow the path that he chose, and the path was ART. In India, you can’t become an artist unless you have a lot of money, or your father is an artist. Middle class kids have to go through a lot of problems before they get permission to start a journey in ART. When I asked my parents that I want to learn architecture after my high school, they said you won’t get any money from that. And telling them that I want to become an artist, is no way - I mean I can’t blame them, society taught them one thing and they are just following that. According to the society, kids should pursue Science in their high school, and all other fields are for losers or those who don’t have a brain. I still remember when my friend who got full marks in her tenth exam and chose humanities in her higher classes, then whole community was talking about her, in that community I don’t know how many of them passed high school. Still, they can say that because they have more experience in life.
When my uncle chose his career, everyone was upset. They don’t like someone who thinks differently or reads books. They just want someone to follow the society rules. My uncle Mr. Sunny Pious, he acted in many movies and comedy shows. He used to beg for movie roles, but he never got any good roles. During his funeral, I heard the society talking about how good he was and names of the movies he acted. But he was a drunkard and it’s his loss that he died at that age without getting married, and they never wanted to see any adult guy being unmarried for long.
I saw him smiling a lot when he was drunk, at least he was happy. My parents never let me stay at my grandmom’s house because of him, he was also staying with her. They thought staying there would make me drink. I don’t know. They never asked him the reason why he was drinking. My mom used to call him on phone, one day I saw him outside my house, my mom didn’t let him come inside, when I asked her the reason, she said he is drunk and came here to get some money. I was a kid, or I was acting like one, I don't know. Why I never told him that I also want to become an artist, maybe he would have supported me, but even if he supports me, others will ask him, what quality do you have to support? Because according to him he was a failed actor. Artists needs support at least from their family, he didn’t have any support from anyone, no one wanted him to succeed, because they don’t want their kids to say that I want to become an actor like him.
My Father,Mother and Sanu
These same societies support all the big movies releasing and watching them and pay money and talk about them. But they don’t want their kids to become an artist. I remember learning some mono act from him and won school level prize, but I didn’t hear anyone talking about him. And after all no one will give more importance to these, they just want me to get some good grades then a good job and make sure that they are getting money. My father married my mom when he was 32 and I know that he struggled a lot, raising 3 kids, was he happy? I don’t know. And he struggled a lot to sell our old house that my grandfather made and make sure that his two daughters get enough money to pay the dowry. Is the dowry system still in India, yes, it is, and you can see it everywhere. But if you are giving as a gift, there is no rule. And the society needs to eat a lot for the wedding, they need every type of food, or they have the right to complaint. People are ready to sell their own home and give food for those stupid people, who know only to complain.
If I compare my father and my uncle, I can say that both are same but with one difference, one used to drink a lot till my younger sister was born and the other one continued drinking alcohol till his death. Being a drunkard in that society is a bad thing, no one will give you any importance or money. I remember my mom and my grandma used to give alcohol de-addiction tablets in my uncle’s food and sending him to Christian de-addiction centers, where they say Jesus can treat alcohol addiction. I remember He is the one who turned water into wine, never mind, I can’t say anything about that here.
My father
One day when my family visited my grandma, she told my uncle to stay inside his room. He was drunk at that time, and she didn’t want him to talk in front of my father. When he was inside the room, she locked the room from outside. Whenever he get some money from work, he used to give that money to his family and his friends, when he was dead I saw a book with many names and how much money they owe him, but they didn’t want to give it back and if he asked for that money, they said, “Anyway you are going to use it on alcohol right, so I will give it later”. No one cared for him, only because he was an artist. I know many others who drink alcohol and work different jobs, but they had some respect because they are not artists, and they are earning money every day so that they can drink.
When I was young, my father took us to one of the rich vegetarian food places and suddenly my uncle came there. My father didn’t like him, but he didn’t ask him to leave. He was hungry, but didn’t eat anything from there and I am sure the reason must be that he didn’t have any money at that time. Then he ordered just one coffee. After eating, my father left some tip for the waiter, and I saw my uncle taking some money from that and when he saw me looking at him, he said he wanted some change.
When I was in eighth class, one of my cousins was getting married. They were so rich and when me and my family went there, I saw kids at my age wearing jackets and shoes. I never had a shoe at that time and asked my father to buy one. He told me that he doesn’t have much money, and I know that he is not lying. When I asked my mom, she said that my uncle is having some shoes, and I can ask him. She called him and asked him to bring a pair of shoes for me. At night, he came to our home just to bring that shoe, so that I can wear it on the wedding day.
He did a lot of stuff for everyone, but still in their eyes he was a drunkard who didn’t give any money to their parents. I am sure you can see many people like him who wants to do something but because of the society they couldn’t and end up getting addicted to drugs or doing a daily income jobs without being happy.
I don’t know if I am a good uncle, but I know that I wasn’t a good nephew. I never asked him why he was drinking or if he was happy. If he was here, I would have asked him, “Are you happy? Mr. Sunny Pious from Kala Bhavan”.
